While They Are Illiterate

Making, and sticking to, the decision to not vigorously enforce reading and spelling during our children’s preschool years are definitely not easy. We have sometimes been a little bit anxious for our eldest, who turned four this year and does not know how to read yet, and write, for that matter. We have often second guessed ourselves and our decision in regards to her preschool years education. And we have gone back and forth between wanting to take things easy and slowly until the age of seven when children’s brains are deemed ready for reading, and responding to the pressure of the modern extra-young age literacy (in this part of the world we are living).

We agree that the ability to read and write is a wonderful skill, in fact it is the skill unique to human which sees to our species’ super fast advancement. But how early should this powerful skill be mastered by our little ones, scientists and education policy makers haven’t seemed to come to the same conclusion.

As my husband and I addressed our concerns over our daughter’s illiteracy at the moment, we eventually decided to pursue literacy less by enforcing the alphabet and phonics lessons, and more by reading to and cultivating appetite for good reads in her. There are two things which we consider as basic and important as we assess our approach to teaching a child to read: the purpose for literacy and the method to achieve that purpose.

It is a sad thing to hear fellow parents lamenting their preschoolers’ increasing lack of playtime as they need to go for their phonics lessons or English and writing classes. It is all the more saddening when the reasons for that are “so as to not be left behind in the primary school level” and “to be able to understand the questions asked in homeworks and tests when they go to Primary One.” The privilege of enlightenment is becoming a kindergarteners’ race and a banal requirement for first grader education system.

We believe the purpose of literacy is to enable one to understand other’s thoughts (this includes knowledges from informations to opinions), to express one’s own thoughts, and ultimately as people of faith, to understand the Scripture as God’s revelation and to share the Truth with others. As for the method, we are not convinced that it is more useful to train a child to read at the age of four than at a later age, say of seven, when studies suggest that children’s brains are more ready for literacy training. In his own words, the author of Math for Little Ones Alexander K. Zvonkin wrote, “Premature instruction is no more beneficial than premature birth.”

While waiting for the neurons to establish their pathways, we believe we can prepare the child for a lifetime love for reading – good reading, that is. It can be done by establishing a culture of reading in the family, where the parents read themselves and read to the child regularly. And just as is the case with putting a child into the habit of healthy eating, we should also ‘feed’ the child with good and worthy reads. As the famous writer C.S. Lewis said, “No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally (and often far more) worth reading at the age of fifty.”

It is also beneficial to exercise a child’s memory, especially during the preschool years when it is at its strongest. Children are able to memorize stories read to them, word for word, and they do it quite effortlessly to our astonishment. Fill their memory banks then, with good books, poems and stories of excellent virtues, and with the sacred verses of the Scripture. The vast vocabularies, writing styles and the taste of literatures they have committed unto their memory will without a doubt bring them far when they can finally decode and compose strings of letters by themselves.

While the ability to read and write things down tend to excuse us from exercising our memory, we see this illiterate time window as an opportunity to train our daughter’s memory. Because she cannot read her story books, she memorizes them. Likewise, this time window affords us the control over what kind of reads is poured into the minds of our children and at the same time the opportunity to bond as we read to them. Few are things that a child cherishes more than to sit on her parent’s lap with a good book being read to her. We know it is one we will miss so dearly too, because soon she will be reading on her own.

Cherishing their illiterate moment.

Children Are Struggling Sinners Too

02 April 2017

Through the past week, we have had discipline issue with the 4 year old which has been escalating rapidly. At the peak of my frustration and hers today, she screamed,

“I want to obey but I still cannot obey even though I want to obey! Why?”

This, I did not expect. She had accurately pointed out that her core problem is sin, and only then did it truly dawn on me, it is not a problem that even the best parenting or discipline can fix.

Later on we talked about Jesus, His atonement of sin and the true liberation from such sin-crippled disability which He, and He alone can give. And we prayed together for help to obey God Himself, in which I added, even more fervently than ever:

Lord, have mercy on this daughter of mine. Have mercy on us, O Lord!

Kana Is Four

This is the thought that should be uppermost on your mind in all that you do for your children. In every step you take about them, in every plan, and scheme, and arrangement that concerns them, do not leave out that mighty question, “How will this affect their souls?” – J. C. Ryle

She was feverish from viral infection the week before her second birthday. On her third, she struggled to down anything through her throat in the peak of her HFMD symptoms. And she had just recovered from a really bad food poisoning two weeks prior to turning four today. The Lord spared us her first birthday.

Blessed birthday! Every year to celebrate is blessed indeed!

For somewhere past the labour ward and that first cry, we are just so bound to take life and growth for granted. We forget that with birth, comes also the journey to grave. That the first beat of that tiny heart has also begun counting down to its stopping. Everyday we unknowingly sedate ourselves – “My child will live tomorrow still,” so unconscious we can hardly tell it’s a myth.

So suffering comes knocking some sense. Lest we be merry without being wary. The little soul has started for the eternity, blessed or damned. We cannot afford to be negligent.

Another year, O sovereign Lord,
With faith and prayers, love and rod
We shall fill the jar with water still
Until wine it be in Thy perfect will

Kana’s 4th birthday,
31 March 2017

No Such Thing As Wasted Education

My husband sent me a link to this excellently written article about how stay-at-home moms actually don’t waste their education, to encourage me. A secretly sweet man he is. 😉

As I read through the article, I had a flash back to one truly memorable event. It was during my parents visit in Chinese New Year 2016, when I finally, and rather awkwardly, popped the question.

“Pa, Ma, aren’t you actually disappointed with my decision to put a halt on my career and stay at home, not generating any significant cash, to care for the kids?”

My three years of education in a private university cost them half a kilogram of gold worth of money of the time, and my living cost in an expensive Singapore would have easily incurred at least another half of the amount mentioned above. The total sum is definitely not an amount I can generate back with mere three years in workforce post graduation. And truth be told, that question had been plaguing my conscience ever since I decided to quit my job and be full time for my family.

“Does your decision make you feel inferior yourself that you ask this?” My father asked back.

“I am concerned about what people would say about and to you back in hometown,” I replied.

In a culture with Chinese-influenced gender-based hierarchy, my parents would have been seen as ‘putting their eggs in the wrong basket.’ Why throw such a huge amount of money for a female child who finally ends up choosing making meals in the kitchen and not dollars in the workforce? And I have two younger male siblings!

“Surely, you have heard something like ‘Aiyoh, isn’t it so wasted to have spent so much money, earned a university degree abroad, and now stay at home taking care of children, things we leave for the maids to do here?’ or something like ‘Jauh-jauh sekolah ke Singapur, ujung-ujungnya masuk dapur‘?” I continued.

“Well, actually Mama did have doubts initially, there were friends asking, or commenting, too. But slowly, Mama has come to see the value of what you are doing. Sometimes, monetary investments do not give you a return in monetary form, but something priceless, it’s a gain all the same, if not more,” said my mother.

To which my father added, “There is no need to feel inferior. Papa’s duty as parent is to support Papa’s children’s education as far as you want to pursue, while we are still able. This is a principle. Whatever you decide to do afterwards becomes your own responsibility. You must remember, there is no such thing as wasted education.”

Both of my parents barely tasted the privilege of formal education. They had to work in their early youth so their siblings could go to school. Yet they understand the values of things often unseen in dollars, and have an accurate view of the purpose of education.

How tremendously liberating and empowering has this short conversation been to me! As a daughter. As a mother to my children. As a woman.

There is no such thing as wasted education. After years of learning and wisdom that made me the person that I am, in whatever I decide to do, in any time and stage of life, I seek to do them proud.

Just as they have done me very, very proud.

Happy grandparents and happy grandkids. Blessed me. ❤

The Mirror That Parenting Is

siblings

“Be kind to your sister, you don’t have to yell at her!”
“What she did was wrong!”
“I know, but you can tell her nicely, can’t you?”
And I was reminded of the countless times I yelled at her wrong doings. I could have told her nicely, couldn’t I?

“I am busy! Go away!”
“Jie jie! Be kind to her, help her draw the cats please.”
“But I am busy drawing my bride, Mommy. I have no time for her right now!”
And I was reminded of the countless times I shoo-ed her away with her paper and pencil from the kitchen because I was busy cooking.

“Be patient with mei mei, she is still a baby.”
And I was reminded of the countless times I lost my patience, she is barely four.

They say the modern parenting has become a narcissistic undertaking.
At its core, parenting is forever a humbling mirror.

Not Mini Adult

littleadults

Children are not adults in wee little size. Though often we, the adults, expect them to be and treat them as one, to our own frustration. It’s probably about time we accept that being children means:

1. Covering their mouth AFTER, not before, sneezing (God forbid, with a full mouth, at someone’s face).
2. Asking pointless questions endlessly.
3. Cannot sleep when you want them to sleep.
4. Cannot wake up when you want them to wake up.
5. Wearing their slippers the wrong side.
6. Needing to pee, poo, at the wrong time.
7. Asking you to do the same thing again, and again, and again (please auto repeat).
8. Cannot find the ‘missing’ toy that is right in front of their nose.
9. Being so engrossed in what they do that they are deaf to you calling them.
10. Being so in tune with your voice that they know it when you whisper to yourself “let me get some chocolate”.
11. Do not understand/operate based on/respond to common sense.
12. Always moving (or talking).

And a thousand more.

Science will tell us that some of the above are because it’s in their wiring, and the rest are because it’s not yet in their wiring. What then, if it’s their wiring and there’s nothing that adults can do to make these little ones otherwise, does it not make more sense to conclude that this time window must have been meant to be a learning and growing opportunity for the adults?

Apparently, children are not the only ones growing and learning. Adults must, too. When the adults learn to forebear children’s childishness, with tenderness and compassion, that’s when the adults learn to be parents.

God help us to be parents.

“The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust.” – Psalms 103:13-14

Emotion Is a Gift from God

tantrum

The Tantrum Specialist

Our second daughter, Mila, is one emotional child ever since her newborn-hood. Her will is unbent, her tantrum intense. She cannot contain her excitement, and she expresses her sadness in manner that (I think) is beyond baby.

In this video was one of her emotional moments. It was taken when the eldest and I went to catch the Christmas Wonderland at Gardens By The Bay, leaving her with Hubby at home. We left while she was napping. I was told later that she was visibly upset but was rather quiet the entire evening. She finally broke down in tears after a lonely dinner.

Being blessed with an emotional child provides parents with its own challenge to struggle through. While dealing with their emotion, we may very often be overwhelmed ourselves, but we must remember to look at it as a blessing.

With it, humans are enabled to live their lives meaningfully. They are made able to love and be loved, to know grief and therefore learn to cherish, to fear and revere what is beyond them.

Ultimately, emotion equips man for a rich relationship with the Creator, with which they may feel the wonder of His love and be fulfilled by His joy, presently and even more so in the eternity. What a powerful gift! A gift when rightly used, blesses mankind in ways that are beyond the capacity of any other creatures, but when corrupted, turns them into the worst of beasts. And herein lies both encouragement and solemn warning for parents. Nip it not in the bud, as it is not meant for suppression, trim it dutifully while basking it in the Light of Heaven’s Sun, and see it bloom into the beauty it is meant to be.

To the God who has bestowed this child with the gift of strong emotion, we will turn our gaze and plea.

Grant us, O Lord, everything we need
to raise this child to be the master of her emotion.
And if it pleases Thee,
a fierce lover of Thy name.