7 Years

This picture is among our favorites because of its humor. It’s one of the many exaggerated snippets of how we thought our marriage drama might play out. But thank goodness, throughout our real seven years of marriage, that scenario has never once materialized. In fact, it is he who always comes home with hands full of shopping bags, NTUC FairPrice bags, that is.

Joke asides, we believe that physical maintenance (within our means) does have a part to play in a healthy marriage. One of the many valuable marital advices I am blessed to receive is: wives need to stay attractive for their husbands. And vice versa. I love that it says “to stay attractive” instead of “to be attractive,” meaning it affirms that there already was something attractive about his bride that delighted a husband from the beginning, and this quality is what a wife works on to maintain. May be it’s her being an interesting conversation partner, which she maintains by keeping herself enriched through good reads, or her outlook, which she maintains by taking care of herself and keeping a healthy lifestyle.

I also love that it says “for their husbands” for therein lies their reason and standard for being attractive. It’s not meant for other men nor is it meant for their own vanity. And because such beauty is relational, as she grows her loving relationship with her husband, so also will her beauty in the eyes of his.

Now, we may think it superficial, after all marriage vow is a vow of regardless. Regardless of financial situation, regardless of physical condition. So why the talk of staying attractive?

I know of many busy young moms who don’t even have the luxury of taking a decent shower daily, been there done that myself. And in all honesty, with two young children and another baby joining us soon, staying attractive is not easy—at all. But like all good things, marriage needs working out, working hard. Staying attractive needs effort, a lot of effort for many, but it tells our spouses that they are well worth the effort, regardless.

Remember what once made your spouse’s heart skip a beat? Let’s work on keeping that beat skipped, every once in while (please note that it’s clinically advisable to keep it steady for almost all the time). 😉

Blessed seven years, love! Low or high, you are the main reason for all the maintenance. May the good Lord grant us many, many more years of delighting in each other. ❤

6 Years

I first met my husband 10 years ago, on January 9, 2008 to be exact. While I cannot remember the entire conversation we had on that day (mostly trivial exchanges like where we studied and what major we were taking), I remember he asked my name at the end of the conversation; nothing unlike any other exchanges I had with people I newly encountered at church.

A few weeks later however, after one youth session, I got locked in the ladies’ restroom. The door’s knob decided to go out of order just after the last lady had left and there I was, violently turning the knob while imagining the worst and panicking for what if no one even realized I was locked in the restroom. (At this point you might think that my now-husband came to my rescue like a knight in the shining armor, but no he did not.)

Before I started shouting for help, another lady came to use the restroom and upon finding the door locked, she said, “Hello! Why do you lock the door? Open up please!” Thankfully, I replied, “Hello! I got locked in here, please help me out!”

The security guard was called and one of the brothers eventually broke the door open by force and saved me! Nope, that brother was not my now-husband either. In fact, while others went to join the hoohah, he was eating his dinner at the youth-receptionist table, just 10 meters away from said restroom.

Now that I was back to the youth group, everyone was asking whether I was alright, and was saying that it was a glad thing someone found me and got me out. But there was this one guy who, half way into his dinner, asked,

“Didn’t you have your phone with you?”

“I left it in my bag.”

“And where was your bag? You left it on the chair here in this room.”

“You know, it’s inconvenient for girls to bring their phones around with them all the time lah.” Thanks to one of the sisters who came to my defense.

“I know, the problem with girls and their phones.”

The problem with girls and their phones! In my entire life, there had been only two men who had ever talked to me in that manner over my not keeping my phone with me. The first was my father, this guy was the second. Both were known for their unfriendly faces and no-nonsense style of speech.

I was quite dumbfounded that a man could actually talk like that to a girl he barely knew. “Very well,” I thought to myself,  “Tough guy huh? I’d very much like to see what will become of him when he gets smitten with a girl – if a man like he would ever be, that is.”

And the rest is history.

Six years into our marriage and I still leave my phone out sometimes, and he is still the man who makes sure I have my phone in my bag AND my bag with me all the time. He doesn’t pull that stunt in the photo anymore though, it’s not friendly to his back. … fine, I do gain some weight, but mainly because it’s just not too good for anyone’s back.

Truly I thank God for the past 10 years of knowing each other, 6 of which as husband and wife. To have a beloved to share those years with is a good gift, and “every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

May the gracious Lord grant us many more years together. ❤

A Husband’s Love

A husband may show his love for his wife in many ways; he may buy her flowers, telling her “I love you”s, taking her out to romantic dinners, the list is non exhaustive. But it doesn’t always need a fancy expression. Sometimes, loving his wife means helping her with her chores after a long day work. Sometimes, it means accompanying her little kids up and down the slides so she can sit at the playground bench.

It may sound simple, but every love expressed is every self denied. Sacrifice and self denying are unusual and counter intuitive. To the observers, it is an anomaly, for before long they begin to ask:

“Why is your husband very different? Men don’t usually come fetching their wives and kids at the playground straight after coming back from work.”
“Oh, there’s no one else at home so…”
“Well, they’ll love it all the more when there’s no one to bug them at home. They can sit all they want in front of the screen. It’s their me time.”

Or make remarks,

“Your husband is a rare find. I seldom see man so willingly do child care. Even if they do, most do it with face glued to their phones.”

“He helps you scrub the toilets? For real?”

Surely, all husbands will love to enjoy their down time and do away with the house chores. But there are those who choose to put down their pleasure and roll up their sleeves to love their wives and children. Not because their wives and children are always lovable, no no, we wives know this better than anyone else. It’s because they have themselves been loved by the great Love. In denying themselves they say, “we love because HE first loved us.”

As husbands emulate this Love, the world will but notice and wonder:

“What prompts him to do so?”

Husbands, love your wives. For your love will tell of the greatest Love story, in which a GOD once laid down His life to love the fallen mortals.

5 Years

Honey and Spice; that was our initial expectation of how marriage life would be like. That it would have its sweet-as-honey times, and many unpredictable moments with flavors not necessarily sweet yet rich as the spices. With this idea in mind we produced our own pre-wedding photobook.

Few months into it, we discovered that marriage life was not all that flavorful. It was but mostly tasteless, to our dismay. You know, you don’t buy flowers and chocolate very often (it’s neither good for your wallet nor your waistline), your heart doesn’t always go skipping one beat and you don’t even have that much of a fight; you just go about your days living your ordinary life and not the Korean dramas.

Thankfully, the unrealized expectation led us to a more accurate way of viewing (or tasting) marriage life. It’s not that marriage is not sweet or spicy, but its sweetness and spiciness are to be savored in the consistency of its blandness.

To draw the analogy to our bodily function, what we perceived before the wedding was the adrenaline. Once married, we realized that we are still living primarily on the constant cardiac beat, made exciting by occasional adrenaline moments.

As is the case with plain water and plain rice – things which are our staple needs; it takes perseverance and gratefulness to appreciate how its blandness is what makes a marriage life bearable, and its flavorful moments memorable.

Marriage is not going to change an ordinary life into an extraordinary one. But the fact that our marriage is still intact, that we are still waking up next to our spouse, serves as evidence to how our everyday, though plain as it may be, is graced with blessings from above. Before we knew it, this marriage has become a cherished bond we cannot live without.

Celebrating anniversary while revisiting this album is definitely one of our sweet moments, one that is filled with knowing giggles too. 🙂

(Song: 最重要的決定 by Fan Wei Qi)

P.S.
We were young couple in our twenties, with limited budget, wishing to marry. A DIY pre-wedding photobook was actually a money-saving alternative because getting a professional out there to do it would have cost us a bomb. To compensate for the absence of professional photography skill and fancy gowns, we created a theme with storyline and made do with whatever props we had free access to. The intention was to shift the focus of the album from being a photography artwork to a personal and creative work.
We owed big thanks to two of our friends, Shirleen for the make-up and Michael for the photo taking, this project was made possible only with their helping hands.

That’s us! Happily married for 5 years and counting. 🙂

Body and Soul

It is a most wonderful truth that the Lord God would delight in human body as much as in the soul. So much so that He took it on purpose to create human as spiritual and material being, and as if that weren’t enough, He gave His promise that when He returns in glory, not only our soul will enter the eternal blessedness but our very flesh too, reunited with our soul, be made perfect and glorious!
Praise the Lord for His unfathomable wisdom and love! (Think: literal heavenly culinary experience guaranteed for an eternity! :D)

On the flip side of the coin, back here at home, we are routinely absorbed in the care-taking of the bodies under the roof. Winning the bread, filling the tummies, clothing the naked. The needs of the body are many, urgent, and obvious.
Let us not forget that these bodies too, are one with their souls. And while the bodies thrive, well-fed and well-sheltered, let us also see to it that the souls are well nourished. For these souls need nothing less, if not more, of such care.
May God help us!

An Alphabet of Wifely Excellence

It is that woman I am thinking about.

Yes, that one woman every woman looks up to with great admiration and a healthy dose of envy.

They call her the Virtuous Woman. You can find her at Proverbs 31 #10-31 (which, as lined out in verse 10, might send you into a further search for this lady 🙂 ). As I am one among those who are still searching, I found this commentary written by Derek Kidner in his book Proverbs throws clearer light along the path.

May I share this with the many women who share my quest for this wifely excellence.

The subject of this portrait is a lady of some position, who has servants to manage (15c) and money to invest (16). As her husband’s trusted partner (11) she has sole responsibility in her domain, which extends beyond the house to the management of her lands (16) and to dealings in the market, where she is as shrewd a seller (11, 18, 24) as a buyer (13, 14). She treats her advantages not as a means to self-indulgence but as a widening of her responsibilities (27), for she is a tireless worker (15, 18, 19): there are the poor to help (20) and the vicissitudes of life to meet forearmed (21, 25b). Yet with all her thrift, she is not austere (22), and with her business sense she is not hard, but a friend in need (20) and the delight of her children and her husband (28, 29). Her charm and her success (30, 31) owe nothing to chance, because her outlook (30) and her influence (26) have the solid foundation of the fear and wisdom of the Lord.

Except in this last respect, this lady’s standard is not implied to be within the reach of all, for it presupposes unusual gifts and material resources; nor is it much concerned with the personal relationships of marriage. Rather, it shows the fullest flowering of domesticity, which is revealed as no petty and restricted sphere, and its mistress as no cipher. Here is scope for formidable powers and great achievements – the latter partly in the realm of the housewife’s own nurture and produce (31); and partly in her unseen contribution to her husband’s good name (23).

– Proverbs, 178-179

Special Days amid the Married Days

In the dating period, birthdays, Valentine’s days, anniversaries, and many other special days are really special. Once married, they become.. Monday, Tuesday – or Wednesday, depending on which day they fall on the calendar.

They say the ‘promotion period is over’, if you know what I mean ;).

My husband turns 30 today. And it is Saturday.

Well it was supposed to be just like any other Saturdays before I thought maybe, probably, something could be done to turn it into a more special Saturday. To be honest, I had already convinced myself to just leave it and let it be a Saturday. There are soooo many valid excuses for a busy mom like me not to add anything extra into my plate which already is full to the brim. And any extra expenditure on unnecessary gift would not be wise to our finance (and because he is the bread-winner, the thought of spending the money he earned on some birthday gift for him is a bit strange to me). And anyway I told him about my thought of this matter, and he said that he was fine with it, there was no need for anything fancy. And the list of defense goes on. And, perhaps, it was the lazy me..

I thought about it for some time. Very likely it was the lazy me.

The plate is not as full as I thought, if I am willing to squeeze some things surely there is still ample space. It’s not like I am throwing a grand birthday party. And about buying gift for him using the resources from him, I shall wish that my kids would do the same for me in the future (it must be sweet to see them come to you and ask money from you to buy you a present!), and for many many times hopefully. Isn’t it the same principal with our offering back ourselves, resources and soul, to our Heavenly Father? All the resources we have is given by Him, none is self-achieved. We offer them back to Him as a token of gratitude, token of love.

So we gave it a go, Baby and I sneaked out from home when Daddy is out working. Daddy loves sweets so we bought him chocolate (they did the wrapping for us too! :)). It was simple, it was possible. I hid the gift in the fridge and intended to surprise him when he opened the fridge door first thing in the morning.

Did I succeed? I think so.. the night before his birthday (of all days!), he suddenly wanted to tally our expenditure’s record with the bank’s account balance. I used NETS for the purchase and inevitably he found out about it. But he was sweet enough to let the surprise still be a surprise.

Lesson learned: secret makes good friends with cash. I will be sure to remember it for the next ones, many more special days to come apparently!

Happy birthday, Love. Indeed a happy wife I am.

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What are the special things you do for your loved ones for those special days?